Well, now that February is almost over I'm almost feeling normal. (I can just hear those who know me best saying, "Normal? You've never been normal in your life!" Alas.) I don't recall ever missing such a big block of life at one time. Two weeks in bed and another week wondering why I wasn't is no way to start the new year. I have learned that not even upon my worst enemy would I ever wish a sinus infection. Pain, and then more pain, and maybe I'm just a wuss. Again, alas.
So, this week I've tried to take it easy, which isn't hard when you have no strength to do anything for more than 30 minutes at a time. Our pastor reminded us on Facebook that RADICALIS 2011 was happening (an annual conference hosted by Saddleback Church) so I tuned in. It was just what the doctor ordered - an encouragement to the soul and the spirit and a reminder from God that it's not about me. Dang it!
While listening in on-line I tackled a chore I"ve been putting off for years. That would be going through and organizing all of our photos. It's easier to scrapbook if you have them in order, right? So of course, you guessed it, I've been walking down memory lane again. But that's the purpose of taking all those pictures isn't it?
There are several things that have caught my attention going through all of those photos. One is that we were BUSY. Oh my gosh, BUSY. Children at home make you BUSY. Have mercy. I must pray harder for my friends who are in that phase of their life right now.
Another thing that struck me is that we had two years (and maybe more) that were traumatic - life changing - painful - oh dear God are we going to survive this - kind of years. One of those was in 1992. We lost three family members that year. The first was in February (hmmm). Our brother-in-law lost his courageous battle with cancer. Our kids and their kids were not only close in age, but they were close as in friends. I remember Jason staying with them over the weekends before and then being so sad that he almost always had to come home from school on Mondays. I remember one of the reasons he made it that year was that his second grade teacher's husband was fighting a similar battle, and I know for a fact that they shed tears together on more than one occasion. It was hard. It hurt. It left us wounded.
In May, Mike's Aunt Melva lost her battle with brain cancer. We were still wounded, and the pain went a little deeper. Her funeral was almost harder than Bill's because with his we had had time to grieve as a family before the service. We did not have that luxury with her service. It was hard. It hurt. It wounded.
Then in December, right before finals Granny Ray died. She was Mike's grandmother. And so yet again, there were tears to shed, and hurts to heal. And we couldn't just shed tears for her at that point. There was another round of tears for Bill and for Melva. Grief sometimes likes to come and stay.
There were other hard things that year. For the first time since having children I had to return to work full-time. I spent March, April, and May in El Paso during the week for job training. In December, the week that Granny Ray died I had the flu. Thought I was going to die then too, but thankfully the duration was only four days. I was feeling better just in time to get in the car and head to Arkansas. Nathan and Lori had transitioned to junior high that year, which is traumatic in and of itself.
Now there were times of comic relief as well. This family that I'm apart of has learned to grieve well. We tell people that we are professional grievers-we've got this thing down to a science. Melva was to be buried in Arkansas. May is in the middle of baseball season, and we had three boys that were playing. We headed to Arkansas about 10 pm one night after a round of baseball games.
We just knew the kids would keep us awake. Oh no, by Big Spring every last one of them was out for the count. It was up to Donna and I to keep Michael awake all night. Remember that it was Bill Clinton's first year in office, and he had resided in the small town of Hope, Arkansas. And, as luck would have it, that's where Mike's family is from, and of course, that's where we were headed. And, if you know my husband at all, you know he detested Bill Clinton from the beginning.
As we are getting closer and closer to Arkansas Donna and I saw that we might have a problem. All along the interstate were big signs saying, "Welcome to Arkansas, Home of William Jefferson Clinton, President of the United States." We were terrified that Mike would read those signs and we would do a u-turn in the median and head back to Dallas. Michael scowled all the way into Hope while Donna and I laughed like drunken sailors. Have mercy.
You know, we survived that year, every last one of us. We survived because we knew a God who could be trusted. We survived because people we didn't even know were praying for us. We survived because life goes on, and it's not about us, or even any of those we lost that year. There are days I still grieve over them.
I can also say that because of that pivotal year not only was my faith strengthened, but so was the faith of my children. I think that year was the year God became VERY real to each one of them. It was no longer their parents' faith - it became their faith, and He became their God. I would love to say that it was easy, but it wasn't. We asked the hard questions, and we struggled. And yes, our kids knew we were struggling.
As we've talked and walked through the years things come up, and the parallel to that year is so very obvious. And the lessons we learned still hold true. God is the same, yesterday, today, and forever.
Because we have a faithful God and a mighty God, we also made it through the firestorm that was 2007. There were many people praying for us that year too. Friends, family, and tons we don't even know. Thank you.
One of the conference speakers said that if you've ever wrestled with God you'll never be the same. He was right. Jacob had a limp for the rest of his life after his encounter with God. The speaker even said to beware of someone who claims to be a man of God who doesn't walk with a limp. Intriguing thought. Our family has limp-ers, and when we forget God reminds us. Do you have a limp? God is faithful. God is mighty. And He would love to wrestle with you so that you can learn first-hand that He is faithful, and He is mighty.
