Great Expectations

While participating in Beth Moore's study of Esther a couple of years ago I kept being intrigued by her referral to a young woman who felt guilty because she had not lived up to everyone's expectations of her.  That's played around in my head on occasion.  We are good at telling children and youth they are 'special' and can do 'great things' if they just put their minds to it.  Are we doing them a favor by telling them that, and what exactly are 'great things?'

Our daughter and youngest son both finished their bachelor's degrees in just three and a half years.  Part of that feat was due to taking concurrent classes in high school, the other part was due to them being focused on what they wanted.  We assumed the same thing would happen once they started grad school.  Each had a specific goal in mind, a plan from God, if you will, about where and what they were to be doing.  But it didn't happen that way.  Were their expectations set too high?  Did they hear the 'wrong' voice from God?  

Recently, our daughter has started seeing someone.  He lives in Chicago (everyone calm down-he's a Texas boy).  He came down one weekend to see Jeanna and to meet us.  The siblings are all abuzz.  Their expectations for him are high, after all, it's Jeanna.  This last weekend he met her in DFW to meet her friends.  Their expectations are also high.  He has yet to meet the siblings, but I'm thinking the DFW crowd was good practice.  I actually felt bad for him having to face them.  They're a great crowd, but those expectations . . .

So again, the question, "Is it fair to put our expectations on someone else.  Heck, is it even fair for us to put expectations on ourselves?"  Perhaps.

We know that children perform at a higher level when high expectations are set.  On a personal level, I know that I perform at a higher level when certain expectations are placed on me.  I'm guessing you've experienced the same.

Maybe the answer lies in the rigidity or flexibility of our expectations (and the expectations of others).  Maybe when we remember that God is sovereign, and He has no problem changing our plans and those that we think are His plans, life just becomes a little more forgiving.  Isn't that called grace?  Maybe those changes are a reminder to us about who is actually in control.

Maybe we need to re-define 'great things'.  Instead of that meaning we will be well-known in our field, or command great audiences, or invent new policies, etc., maybe it just means that we quietly go about engaging others in our workplace, or at Wal-Mart, or the kid behind the counter at the fast food place.  Maybe it means we encourage someone else in a bible study class, or the gym, or when we're getting a pedicure.  Maybe it means God has other things He wants to share with us and that fast-track we're on needs to be interrupted in order to get our attention.

Maybe we just need to be concerned with what God's expectations of us are.  Are we available?  Are we aware?  Are we intentional? Are we always on mission?  Micah 6:8 says, "And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God."  Sounds simple doesn't it?

One of the most important things I learned during our addiction treatment process was this, "Trust people to be who they are."  I get push back on that a lot, but wow-to me, it screams 'Freedom!'  For example, we trusted our teenagers to make good decisions, to act on the principles we had instilled in them since birth.  But when they were seventeen?  I trusted them to be seventeen.  I knew they would make good decisions for the most part, but I also knew they had those 17-year-old brains, ideas, hormones, influences . . .  I knew that some days they were going to act as if they were 17.  And when they did, there were no meltdowns, recriminations, hateful words spoken in anger. . .  It meant that we set down the consequences, used those as teaching moments, and moved on.  And yes, we messed up too.  We were parents who had our own issues (you know, like not liking rules and stuff)

So, do you make others feel guilty because they aren't meeting your expectations?  Are you beating yourself up because you haven't lived up to others expectations of you?  or the expectations you have for yourself?  Maybe it's time to have a heart to heart with the One who knows all things.  Maybe what He wants is for  you to stop striving and to rest in who He is.  Maybe it's time to concentrate on being instead of doing.  His expectations are high, but there's help, grace, and mercy to meet them.  And chances are, you're right where He wants you to be in order to work on those expectations.